If Reviews Could Kill Is Now Online! Come Check Out My New Internet Home!

I’M BACK EVERYONE! WHEW! It’s taken way longer than I expected it to, but a working version of my new site, http://ifreviewscouldkill.com is now available for you to peruse! There, I will write about everything in the vast and wide world of art and entertainment. You can get your dose of all things musical, literary, cinematic, and cultural in one easy-to-use website. I have a review posted currently of the so-so Benicio Del Toro vehicle The Wolfman and the new album by Bon Iver! It would be the greatest honor for you, my friends and fans to check me out there. I have a lot of work to do on the site still, including compiling a shitload of new material and editing the entire Cinematronica project, which I will devote to transferring over ASAP. This will be an amazing new undertaking for me, and I hope this ends up being an amazing community for art and culture for everyone as interested in this stuff as I am. I hope some of you are willing to follow me over to the new site, where I promise to dole out the same enthusiasm and verve that I did here at the ol’ Cinematronica blog.

So, what do you say, guys? ARE YA WITH ME! If so, come on over to my official .com!!!

http://ifreviewscouldkill.com

I’m Still Alive, Everyone! Don’t Fret!

Sorry for my absence, everyone! It has been such a crazy couple weeks. I couldn’t even explain it all in one sitting. Needless to say, however, I am working very diligently on the site. It’s a long process, though, and to explain why it’s difficult for me, let me get personal with you for a second. Let me tell you who I am.

Hi! My name is Eric. I’m 23 years old. I live in Houston, TX, where I lift boxes at a bookstore and tell all kinds of ribald, sometimes disturbing jokes to my co-workers all day. I do not have any particular training in writing, computer programming, or anything approaching professional skills. I am doing this new website with the help of my good friend Steven, but trying to come up with the design, the content, and the time to do it all is quite difficult at times. I’m slowly getting the hang of it, but I want to make this a cool place, and I think it’s worth losing some buzz for the sake of a better product. I’m not a tech-savvy guy, I’m not a columnist for Variety, I’m just some dude who is self-taught in the art of being Eric, and I’m trying to make something really special for everyone to bask in!

So here’s what’s going down this week; I will be testing out some new reviews on you folks, including my music review for Bon Iver’s “For Emma, Forever Ago”, a review of the new George Clooney vehicle Up In The Air, and possibly some others as they come up! And don’t forget to catch up with me on 366 Weird Movies, where I’ll have reviews up this week from an indie film called Satan Hates You as well as the new Terry Gilliam film, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus! Keep up with me, and we’ll have wonderful times together this week, I promise! And all the while, I’ll continue work on my new digital home! Until then!!!

So What’s Next, Eric!?!?!?!??!?!

Well, guys, after my first day away from the computer in a year, I can say that I don’t exactly miss writing 1000 words a day. But I do miss interacting with you fine people and giving you the scoop! So, I’m sure we’re all wondering, “WHEN’S THAT NEW SITE GONNA BE DONE, ERIC?!”, and the answer to that question is “soon”. We’re still working out some kinks on http://ifreviewscouldkill.com, doing some fine tuning, and putting the bitch together. But as we speak I am coming up with new segments, articles, and content for YOU!

Here are two new segments of the site I’m working on right now:

MUSIC!- I’ll probably call it the Sonar Club, Music For Cool People, or Ear-gasms. Feel free to drop me a good name for the segment, but I’ll be doing CD reviews both old and new, retrospectives on bands, and stuff about that wonderful noise that makes the world go round. First stop: a little band called Bon Iver gets their critical comeuppance!!!

CULTURE!- Whether it’s called Pretty Little Things, What’s The Deal With That?, The Culture In Revolt, or Things I Say About Things You Do, it will be a segment concerning the culture in America and abroad, as much as I can find, and as much as you’re willing to put up with. I’ll be looking back, to the future, and BEYOND!!!!!!! My first tinkering will be a look back at everyone’s favorite children’s show, David the Gnome!

As I said, I’m working ever so diligently on that stuff, but I don’t have anything new JUST yet. Instead of waiting for some new stuff, go back a few months and peruse the lovely selection of previous reviews; surely you didn’t read ALL of them, did you?

What Did You Think Of The Cinematronica Project?

What a year! I can’t believe we’re finally almost done with it! I can’t believe I have almost fulfilled my promise to watch and review 365 movies in 2009! It all stems from you, though; everyone who read, everyone who commented, and everyone who is as much in love with film and the arts as I am who was genuinely interested in what I was talking about. Now that I’m only ten days and ten movies away from the end of the year, the end of Cinematronica, and the beginning of my new website at http://ifreviewscouldkill.com, I wanted to do a few retrospective pieces on all the movies I’ve covered; I’ll be doing some of my personal top ten lists, some of my personal favorite reviews, and other extremely ego-tastic stuff. But until then, I wanted to know what you thought about this site; what were your favorite reviews? Were there movies you discovered here that you now can’t live without (or can’t live without making fun of)? Did I do a good job as a reviewer, or am I just another face in the crowd of writhing sycophants across the internet who wants to write about this stuff for the rest of their lives? Let me know: I want to see how I’m doing, what direction you think I should go, and if there’s anything you want for the new website. Spare no detail, good or bad! What has Cinematronica done for YOU?

Computer Problems… AGAIN! I’ll Be Back Tomorrow

I apologize, faithful readers, but apparantly my computer is seriously prone to not working. Considering I’m running on a seriously outdated system, it’s pretty amazing I get anything done around here, but I’m back, and I will get two reviews on your desk ASAP! Tomorrow you will get The Departed and The Royal Tenenbaums! Keep an eye peeled for those tomorrow, and forgive my poor lil’ desktop’s daliances!

I’ll Be Back Tomorrow!

Tomorrow I’ll have two reviews lined up for you folks! First, I have a review of Brotherhood of the Wolf, and after that you get a taste of Tommy Wiseau’s The Room! Yay! I’ll see you tomorrow!

Official Public Announcement: New Website In January

Hey, everyone! For anybody who does not know, my 365 movie goal is nearing completion, with almost 340 movies in my repertoire now. I am reeling from 11 months of watching a movie every day, but I’m otherwise great and ready for more. So what happens after this? Well, I’m glad you asked! As of January 1st, I will officially be dismantling Cinematronica and a new website will be taking its place! I’ve seen some good times on this blog, but the bird has to leave the nest at one time or another, so I’ll be taking flight for a .com in the near future. The website’s name, as voted by you, the reader, will be (drum-roll please):

WWW.IFREVIEWSCOULDKILL.COM

This will be the home of all things Eric, all things film, and all things (hopefully) you. My dream is to build a film community where people can communicate with myself and other film fanatics at large, creating an atmosphere of friendliness, where you won’t get booed off of the internet if you say that your favorite movie is Xanadu or Epic Movie (although you still might get soundly laughed at. I mean come on!).

It will be a place where indie directors can come and have their voices heard, where their films can be seen and discussed by real people.

It will be a place where readers can send in reviews and show their own chops as a writer, and where their work can be discussed as well.

And it will also be a place for me to expand as a writer. I like other things besides movies, you know. The operative word “reviews” in ifreviewscouldkill.com doesn’t just apply to movies. I plan to give my thoughts on many facets of fringe and popular culture, with essays, product reviews, various rants, and (hopefully) videos!

But I can’t do any of this without your support! Thank you so much for your patronage these past 11 months. Your hits have really kept me going every day, especially the days when I could not have been bothered to write another word. Your positive response has kept me going. But the new website will be a lot of work, so I’ll still need your good vibes, however much you can give. So tell all your high-minded film snob friends about my new endeavor, and I’ll promise to deliver on a website that will be fun and entertaining for everybody. I’ll keep you posted on any news about the new website this month, but don’t forget the Cinematronica project is still counting down the days! I still have some reviews left in me before all is said and done, so keep reading, keep commenting, and keep believing in the awesome power of the motion picture!

Sorry! Events Beyond My Control Are keeping Me Away! I’ll Be Back Tomorrow!

Sorry, everyone! I know you were dying to hear my analysis of Network, but I’ve had a few setbacks at the homestead that require a late-night handyman such as myself at my house to fix them. I’ll be back on track tomorrow, where I’ll not only have a review of Network, but an in-depth look into The Machinist! Until then!

My Computer Has H1N1! I Can’t Do Anything Tonight!

Sorry to crap out on you guys again, but this is ridiculous. There’s something bogging my computer down so hard, this message has taken me about 10 minutes to get up and running so far. I can’t finish my Nausicaa review tonight. The usual rules apply; I’ll have two reviews for you tomorrow, but I feel pretty crappy that I’ve wimped out twice this week. To make it up to you, please peruse these videos I found rather hilarious. Consider it my humble, humble apology:

 

Two Reviews Tomorrow!

Hey, guys! I’ll be back with two tomorrow! I’ll have up my review of Stargate, as well as (maybe) my review of New Moon or Planet 51. Either way, get ready for some high-flying reviewing action! Until then!!!