MST Week: Cave Dwellers (1991), or Just Humor Me For A Second; WHY Is It Called Cave Dwellers Again?

14 07 2009

Well, we’re back here again! It’s MST Week, and by now I know you’re hooked! If you’re even still back on the site, and not waiting until the end of the week to read these, you must be intrigued. So do you think you’re in? Do you think you could be a MSTie? Well if you think you’re thoroughly hooked, let’s continue on with another weird ass episode from the third season of the show.

Before that, a quick run-down of the characters:

Joel Robinson- Played by Joel Hodgson (real deep name-change, dude). Created the robots out of loneliness when Dr. Forrester sent him up on the Satellite of Love. The main protagonist in the loose concept of the show, as well as the test subject for all of Dr. Forrester’s ruthless movie experiments. A really laid-back guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Tom Servo: Played by Kevin Murphy. Red robot made by Joel to bear the pain of watching horrible movies. He’s one smart cookie, to the point where he’s kind of a pretentious asshole. In the end, he’s a lovable sort, and sees Crow like an idiotic brother and Joel as a father.

Crow T. Robot- Played by Trace Beaulieu. Gold robot made by Joel. He is a wisecracking wacky guy who often gets into trouble. He’s a little naive, but he makes up for it in spunk and tenacity. He’s a doer, a bona fide man’s-man’s-man’s robot, and he’s got tenacity in spades.

The Mads- Played by Trace Beaulieu and Frank Conniff. Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank are the ones who are sending Joel these movies! They’re despicably evil, yet light-hearted and hilarious at the same time. From their hideout in Deep 13, the two inflict some serious pain on Joel and the Bots. Dr. Forrester is full of himself, but he might be an idiot. TV’s Frank is a tool, but he might be a genius (but he’s probably not).

These guys make up the MST universe, and along with some other minor characters, make for much hilarity between segments of the movie. But THIS particular movie today, Cave Dwellers, needs no in-between hilarity. This movie is simply amazing! If you could grow craziness like this, its street value would make weed look like fucking dandelions. Cave Dwellers is a first-rate sword-and-sandalĀ  affair from the 80s. Filmed in Italy, it is a sequel to the also-crazy Ator The Invincible, which follows the exploits to the greatest ancient scientist/barbarian/warrior-poet/health guru of antiquity, ATOR! He’s great, just great. I mean it, he’s like a dragon made of man muscles! But the world is in danger here, so we have no time to admire the smartest barbarian who ever invented the hang-glider (I’m not making that up!). He faces the evil conqueror Zor, a man who wishes to get his hands on the Nucleus, an artifact of unspeakable (and stupid) power. Only Ator’s mentor, Akronas, knows where it is, and Zor has captured him. Can Ator save the world from Zor with the help of Akronas’s hot daughter? Or is the unbelievably dumb Nucleus fated to be used by Zor for world domination?

This is one of the best MST episodes out there. Every segment is funny, the movie is outlandish on its own, and the energy is WAY up. This was the first episode of the third season, so they really shot out of the gate with this one. Cave Dwellers is easily one of the worst movies I have seen in my life, but it’s so bad it runs almost all the way back to being good again! Ator is a total Mary Sue, with limitless talents and abilities that eclipses the villain in every single way. The only reason that Zor is allowed to live is seemingly that the movie needed to be filled up with 90 minutes of STUFF, rather than the five minutes it would have taken the MIGHTY Ator to slit Zor’s throat. So instead we have to watch Ator travel all around the world, showing off in the most absurd ways, like this:

Yeah, that just happened. So, with an ending that defies all logic and reason, hair that defies all gravity, and comedy that defies all genres, this episode somehow tops Monday’s Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, this is a MUST-SEE for budding MSTies, as it has a perfect blend of subtlety and blatant mockery, both strong points of Joel and the Bots! Run, don’t walk, to find this on DVD or YouTube as fast as you can! I give Cave Dwellers the movie 1 1/2 ATORS out of 10. It’s fucking awful. But it makes for such good riffing material, the episode gets 9 1/2 ancient hang-gliders out of 10! A high recommendation!

Tomorrow we rock the house with another episode of MST! It’s an anti-classic from the 80s called Zombie Nightmare! Until then!!!




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