Run Lola Run (1998), or My Imagined Interview With Director Tom Tykwer

6 06 2009

Note: As I am not a journalist by any means due to my lack of ever interviewing anyone, this is my fantasical brain at work here, fantasizing about an interview between myself and the director of today’s piece, Run Lola Run, Tom Tykwer. Keep in mind, though, that this is all by the book, and after my extensive research on the man, I have come up with a list of answers and responses that are almost certainly what the man himself would say. And if I do say so myself, this might even be BETTER than a real interview. You’re welcome.

Another Note: Keep in mind also that Tykwer is German, so anything I type for his side of the interview, imagine it being said by Alan Rickman from Die Hard, or in English, The Hard.

EMY: Good afternoon, Mr. Tykwer. It’s a pleasure to meet you!

TT: Mmm, I’m sure it is. How long is zis going to take, exactly?

EMY: Oh, not too much of your time, Mr. Tykwer. It’s just that some of the fans of your work would like to pick your brain a little as to the impetus of your inspiration and the process of making some of your films, especially your most famous work, Run Lola Run.

TT: Zat is old news!!! Old movie!!! I vant to talk about my new movie, Supercrusher!

EMY: In due time, Mr. Tykwer. First, let me ask you a few questions about your style. From watching Run Lola Run, we can see very clearly that you were inspired by the German art-house scene, especially the German New Wave directors like Fassbinder and Herzog. Tell me about what inspires you.

TT: Zose names mean nothing to me. I have tried to make ze art-house film! I have tried to make ze drama film! Nobody vants zis from me! They vant the Lola! They want ze running! I make Ze Princess and Ze Warrior like my hero Fassbinder, and nobody vatches it! I make Heaven, vit the big stars like my hero Herzog, and nobody vatches it! Enough!!! This qvestion takes too much of Tykver’s time!

EMY: Oh, well… In Run Lola Run, the reality is divided into three respective paths that Lola goes down during three runs in the film, and there are a number of artistic flourishes and logical choices that only make sense if all three sets of realities happen. Now, is that an artistic statement, or is that just hipster pandering?

TT: Of course it is pandering! I make ze brainless cool movie vit the time stops and ze attractive young voman, and everybody love Tykver! Nobody care about vat I have to say as an artist! Now ask me about my new movie!

EMY: Hold on just a second, Mr. Tykwer. Um, now when Lola in the movie is asked to collect the 100,000 marks for the loser boyfriend Manni, is that an indictment of men in inter-gender politics in the 21st century?

TT: Ya. Nein. It does not matter. I make ze movie for ze teenagers and now I cannot get avay from it. I have to make ze glossy movies now, or nobody comes to vatch dem! I make ze Perfume, and everybody go crazy! I make Ze International, and nobody go crazy, but I make my money back and zen some! Now I make ze glossy new movie for ze sexy teens called Supercrusher! Ask me about it!!! Tykver commands it!

EMY: Well, I just have a few more questions, Mr. Tykwer, if you-

TT: Nein! No more qvestions about old movies! Do not anger ze Tykver! (Mr. Tykwer proceeds to brandish a revolver made out of pure Swarofski crystal)

EMY: Ok! OK! Take it easy. Is that gun… nevermind. So… what is… Supercrusher about?

TT: Finally! It is ze most groundbreaking, visionary German movie to ever be developed. I use nothing but sexy teens and ze violence! Girls riding ze tanks! Girls straddling ze missiles! Girls beating to death ze hobos! Ze handsome men in ze suits using ze kung-fu on grandmas! A brutal take on life in ze 21st century! I expect big, big box office returns!

EMY: Wow, that sounds great. You know-

TT: Nein! Zere’s more! Jessica Biel riding a black T-Rex vit rocket launchers mounted on its shoulders! Mila Kunis wrestles ze bear! And she vins! Supercrusher vill be ze world’s greatest film! In theaters next summer! So commands ze Tykver!!!

EMY: That sounds great, sir. Let me just- OOF!

And this is when the interview stops. At that point, I jump out of my chair and try to wrest the beautifully crafted gun from his hands. After firing on me once and missing, I succeed in disarming him, as well as breaking the gun. The good news was that I escaped the interview with my life. The bad news was that Tykwer sued me later that week for $200,000 in damages for shattering his awesome revolver. After months of heated legal battling, I lowered the damages owed to a mere $90,000, which I am currently paying off at this moment. When I asked Tykwer in court about how Run Lola Run has affected his career, he replied with a curt and flippant, “Fuck you, American sex pig!” Well, regardless, after watching the movie myself, I can say that Run Lola Run is a quick and breezy flick, even if it doesn’t mean anything. Try it once and forget about it, like a wedding dress or someone else’s skin. I give it 6 black T-Rexes with rocket launchers mounted on their shoulders out of 10!

Tomorrow is the Night Out, where I will watch The Hangover! Until then!!!

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