Species (1995), or Alien Love Is Difficult To Maintain

21 04 2009

People have a fascination with aliens that will never go away. They assume that just because there might be intelligent life somewhere else in the universe, they would automatically come here first thing and rectally probe us. But here’s the thing; if there is intelligent life out there somewhere, they probably don’t possess the technology to traverse the millions of light years between worlds. And if they did, what makes Earth so interesting that they would eschew all the other mysteries of the cosmos just to come and dick with a bunch of farmers and cattle like sexual deviants? That doesn’t stop most people, though. Despite the fact that no human being has ever seen an alien before, they’ve not only come up with the names of their worlds, spaceships, and leaders, but they’ve even superimposed faces on these oft-visiting farmhouse menaces. Take a look at this clip, which is essentially a lot of time and hard work spent on conjecture and unadulterated madness.

Uh… “secret shadow mlitary activities”? Well, maybe I can understand that, after watching today’s feature, Species. It’s probably the best movie I’ve seen about an alien fucking a human since David Bowie’s classic 70s porn, The Man Who Fell To Uranus.

The film stars Natasha Henstridge as an alien bred by scientists after a transmission from outer space tells them how to create an alien-human hybrid. Why this is done other than for the sake of doing it is never explained. Oh, well. The scientists create this hybrid, much to the confusion of the audience. They call her Sil; she looks like a normal little girl, but looks can be deceiving. She matures into a 12 year-old girl in about 3 months from just a baby, and that freaks the scientists out quite a bit. After a failed attempt to kill her, Sil escapes from the scientists and, in response, the government assembles a team to kill her comprised of an anthropologist, a tracker, a molecular biologist, and a damn psychic!!! But the alien is difficult to track, because now Sil is a full-grown voluptuous woman who wants to mate with and kill a male of our species. The B-Team, as I call them, refuse to let that happen, and will stop at nothing to recapture and/or kill her. Will they succeed, or is Sil just too damn sexy?

This was a movie that existed for the sole purpose to admire Natasha Henstridge’s breasts. It is an exploitation flick of the highest order, and while I cannot fault them for that, they could have at least made it more fun. There is absolutely NO tongue in cheek here, no laughs coming out of this potential chuckle-factory. It’s trying to be a deadly serious sci-fi movie as well as the breast-in-your-face movie of the century. It could have been a lot better by being a lot less stoic, and I’m just amazed that they themselves didn’t really recognize this fact. I’m confused, and a little turned on.

The script is a mess. I’m not sure whether it even wanted to be an exploitation film. Most of the time the actors all treat it like it was Shakespeare, but that’s incredibly misleading when they must have known the material they were dealing with. I’d equate it to a $20 million remake of Manos: The Hands of Fate; everyone knows its a monumentally bad idea, so why even bother? It’s a mystery, and we’ll probably never get to the bottom of it, now that everyone involved with this film would probably rather be stabbed in the cheek than be reminded of this eye-rolling masterpiece.

Nobody can say that they didn’t have the best people working on this at the time. Sir Ben Kingsley is slumming it up yet again as the head scientist!!! Gandhi is looking more and more like a fluke every day, Sir Ben. Forrest Whitaker is the empath (aka useless psychic) assigned to the case, and approaches it with the same false excitement he approached Vic Mackey with on The Shield when he wanted some information out of him. Michael Madsen also pokes his head out for a quick paycheck to play a pig and an unlikeable “tough guy”, but even he can’t do anything about this. Natasha Henstridge plays Breast- I mean Aereola- I mean Mammery- I mean Sil! This was her first acting gig, and while she put up a valiant effort, I have a sneaking suspicion that she was still a bit unpolished, which resulted in her grating “predatory” lines, including the classic “Don’t go. Please! I want a baby!”.

The special effects were good for ’95, I will admit. The alien designs by H.R. Giger, while by no means his best, still created a macabre and complicated portrait of an alien whose main mission is to reproduce. The alien part of Sil is not as realistic as she is grotesque, which in its own weird way adds a realism unattainable any other way. Her transformations from a human into an alien have not aged well as far as special effects go, but it at least didn’t distract from the overall picture.

I recommend Species to pre-pubescent boys with no access to internet pornography. There are some good Natasha Henstridge shots here that even my 10 year-old body could recognize as pretty hot when this came out on VHS. If you are not a fan of exploitation, though, I wouldn’t put my stamp of approval on it. It’s not dramatic, funny, or even that sci-fi. It’s about a group of scientists, a tracker, and a psychic (!!!) hunting down an alien whose only crime was being born too horny. And murder. If you find you can’t get behind this idea, I would pass. To all others, I give Species 4 “secret shadow mlitary activities” out of 10.

Tomorrow I’m going to watch Solaris! Until then, I leave you with one more example of insanity and mental infirmities I found on Youtube while discovering weird “alien” stuff.




One response

14 03 2010

a 4!? come on its at least a 6! of course I havent seen it in a million (light)years! All i remember is how bad the chick from CSI’s hair was…….and eww Alfred molina in a sex scene DANGER! Dont forget how much I love the 12 inch tounge down the throat!

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